In a fast-paced world, with busy schedules and technology making us contactable 24/7, it doesn’t take long to feel spread thin. Maybe you might be feeling a little flat, somewhat drained, lacking inspiration or maybe you’re just flat out miserable…
Certified Life Coach, Jane Lee, shares her story of walking through a time where she felt lost in the pressures and responsibilities of life, but built herself a pathway through setting clear boundaries.
In this first episode of a 4-part series, she explains how we can lose our sense of self and become easily overwhelmed when we lack boundaries in our lives. She teaches us how we can set boundaries to define and protect what is important to us.
Throughout this series, Jane refers to some valuable teaching content that helped her establish healthy boundaries many years ago. Well look no further…here’s the 10 Laws of Boundaries that you can begin to implement today!
You can find more of Jane’s resources at her website Positive Boundaries.
10 Laws of Boundaries
Reference – Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, Zondervan 3rd October 2017 and Boundaries.me online
These laws are the principles of relationships, just like the laws of gravity and physics. If we apply them, they make life work, if not, life will bring us problems. For example: We ignore the law of gravity at our peril.
These principles help us diagnose a problem which is really just a symptom of one or more circumstances not aligned with how things are designed to work. When we can see which principle is being violated, we can then put it into order.
This will help us shift our focus from a problems mindset to a focus on the principles that will point to the answer, regardless of the many scenarios that we find in life.
- SOWING AND REAPING (Cause and Effect)
My actions have consequences so I choose carefully.
The one who sows ought to be the one who reaps – co-dependency interrupts this.
- RESPONSIBILITY
Responsibility has 2 parts:
– Responsible FOR me, not responsible for other people’s feelings, attitudes, behaviours and choices etc.
– Responsible TO you, to not neglect the responsibility to love you.
We only have legitimate power over ourselves. We have the power to be honest with ourselves, to humble ourselves and to seek outside help.
- RESPECT
We need to be free to say no and to respect the freedom of others to say no also.
We can respect and care for ourselves by removing ourselves from a destructive situation.
- MOTIVATION
Find the reason behind my yes or my no. Pay attention to the motive.
Is it fear and/or guilt, or love and/or desire? Is it a positive or a negative emotion?
- EVALUATION
We need to evaluate the pain that defining ourselves (our boundaries) causes others.
Is it hurt or harm? – For example: The dentist may hurt but it is not to harm but to help.
- ENVY
Envy says, ” Everything good is outside of me”. It cannot be filled. Gratitude is the opposite. It says, “A desire fulfilled is a tree of life”
- PROACTIVITY
Am I proactive, taking action and ownership of my life, based on my values and needs, or am I reactive, living in defence mode? We are designed to actively participate in improving our own life, or have I learnt that I am helpless /powerless?
- ACTIVITY
Active people take initiative, passive people wait for others. Active people can dominate passive people, creating a one up / one down dynamic. Taking ownership of our own life, responding to our own values and needs will help shift passivity.
- EXPOSURE
We are designed to live in relationship. Defining ourselves honestly in relationships is essential to wellbeing. Disrespect of another’s boundaries must have consequences – or it is just nagging!
*In case of abuse, do not confront but seek professional help.
© Jane Lee 2023
