The one word I got at the beginning of the year to meditate on through 2017 was ‘clarity’.
I remember thinking, ‘Oh, that’s a nice word’. Who doesn’t want a bit of clarity, who doesn’t want to see a bit clearer. It seemed like a pleasant, almost sweet word. Like the clouds would part, I would hear a chorus of angels singing Hallelujah and I would see crystal clear! Got to love it when your thoughts couldn’t be further from reality.
It would end up being the start to a year where I have never doubted myself and my God so much.
A season where everything looked muddy and ‘clarity’ was just a word that seemed to haunt me and tease me. It was a word that I swear I have never heard so many times and spoken from so many different people as they preached or just in conversation. But all it did was just remind me that I had none. And even though my path seemed paved and I was walking along unscathed… to me, all I felt was that I was tripping, stumbling my way along, sometimes fluking it and landing forward but mostly being pushed around by circumstance after circumstance. I felt like I was in a storm out at sea. My boat was broken and I felt like I was sinking, but still the waves came, one after another drenching me and knocking me over barely giving me time to catch my breath in between each one.
Feelings and emotions erode clarity bringing rust, dirt and grit to muddy the waters and oh did I have feelings pinging around my head like an Olympic table tennis match, Forrest Gump style, trying to dictate how I should respond to situations. Trying to keep me in the dark. Taking me on the slippery slope straight to the pit of despair. The pit of no hope. The pit of unbelief. The pit I despise and gladly would help pull someone else out of but here I found myself sinking, losing who I was. Doubting who I was.
Fearing that I could never live up to the call.
But in the same breath beneath the clouded judgment was a deep rooted knowing.
I knew that I was caught in lies. I knew I was in a snare in that same breath of mixed emotions, and I knew that I would come through the other side. I knew I would be victorious. I knew that breakthrough was mine. I knew that no weapon formed against me would prosper. I knew that I would walk into the promised land. I knew that he who started a good work in me would see it through to completion. I knew that the fire would not burn me nor the waters overcome me… I knew that I was a child of God, called, purposed, positioned, anointed, loved and saved!
Just in the last few days, I’ve had a thought about my word ‘clarity’. What if clarity is simply a knowing? A knowing of His word. A knowing of the spirit. A knowing of who I am IN HIM. A knowing so strong that no feelings can dirty the clear water. A knowing with such conviction that even in times of despair, in times of adversity, challenge, or even those times you just feel blah, clarity is always there because when all is said and done, come what may, I know because I know because I know that He is I AM!
Knowing equals clarity. If you know Jesus, clarity is inevitable.